Velvet Elvis

There was a moment yesterday when I stopped and asked myself a few questions and pondered on ones that had been popping into my head the past month or so. They didn't make me gag like this...But the answers should have.
Why do you need to get a job so soon?
Because "super Rachel" needs to
Why do you need to be sure he's Mr Perfect?
Because it's what "super Rachel" needs
Why do you do this or that or avoid this or that?
Because if I screw up "super Rachel" is no longer "super"
Why did you go to school?
Because it's expected by society and otherwise you I'm not "super Rachel"
The funny thing is that I felt all this pressure, but never realized where it came from. I am reading a great book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, most of you have probably heard of it. And several I know have read it.
So I'm really slow with reading because it's simply not my favorite thing to do, but I was sitting by the pool yesterday thinking "I'm not being productive, again, today." So, I check out this chapter in my book and see if there is anything interesting and I came across the most amazing applicable chapters In an entire lifetime (well maybe not a lifetime but you get my point). And what I got out of it was the questions above. My answers to all of these were the same and I began to realize that I need to continue too do things because I love them. I need to draw, camp, play, enjoy my friends and be the real Rachel that is not weighed down by the supposedly meanigful things. I can't let go of the Rachel that likes to sing in church and play her drums, the one that is driven by what she likes to do, not what society places as important. Otherwise I'll en up unhappy or worse lost. So, I'll get a job when I want to, I'll not be afraid of what people see me as and be my normal broken self because I like me better that way.